Chugging on

I lost another three pounds. I'm going quite strong.
I just had some bullion soup with mushrooms and onions...I'm really full. Sigh.
I think...it's just hard for me. I've always loved the way I look and made no excuses, even when I got sick and gained weight, I still just appreciated myself and didn't make it a huge deal.
But then he left me, and all his exes were twigs, and we were perfect for each other, and he stopped me from being a player, and he stopped me from not being able to commit, and I gave him all of me, and he threw me away. So part of me just knows it's 'cause my body wasn't what he was used to. And it isn't for him, I swear it's not...it's so that I never feel that again.
I've always been like a guy in that sense. Men can sleep around and it's not a big deal for them. I've always been that way. Not wanting a boyfriend or girlfriend, just wanting to have fun, but honest fun...not cheating or anything, just single and fucking.
Then he came along and told me all the stories of what we could be, and I'd heard them all before but I believed him. Then I found out he was cheating in the beginning. Then he cheated again with the same girl. Then he recited a list to me about why I'd never be good enough. And I starved and starved.
But now it's about me, and that's why it's healthier. Wii Fit and walking and eating healthy but very little...that's why.
But still, it won't stop burning. I wasn't enough. Not nearly enough.